


candy roses} johnkat

by princestriderr (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck, johnkat - Fandom
Genre: F/F, F/M, I swear, M/M, Multi, New Universe, Post Game, but this isn't humanstuck, dancestors/ancestor, they're cousins or brother and sister
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-30
Updated: 2013-12-29
Packaged: 2018-01-06 16:25:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1108998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/princestriderr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which John is always and forever will be the largest dingle dopped dick idiot in the new universe that they created after the game, and Karkat attempts to show him some true taste in the fine arts of media with this new free time they all have. Therefor, slipping into a time bomb of stupidity that blooms into something really stupid that everyone (trolls, guardians, and humans alike) has to deal with.</p>
<p>// Basically everyone's (alpha, beta dancestor, etc) all happy and good in a new world they created after the game and they're all chill and just living life because bABIES SOBS //</p>
            </blockquote>





	candy roses} johnkat

**Author's Note:**

> im going to make a note that i also have this story on my account on quotev; http://www.quotev.com/story/4215060/Candy-Roses-Johnkat/  
> also, in the character relationships tag, the '&' between names = moirallegiance

It was very, very simple. 

The only logical and possible explanation in the entire deity of the universe that you were starring at the dipstick was because he had food in his teeth. Yes. That is your reason and you're sticking with it. Besides, it's really not your fault that he doesn't know how to digest his disgusting food; really, he doesn't even have good taste in anything (okay maybe video games). It's the main basis of hatred towards him that you hold, which is not only because of this and his rather detested taste in movies (seriously, did anyone give the kid some personality?), but also because he doesn't know how to close his food contractor for five seconds. He'll stop, after you've asked him to ten trillion sweeps, and then he'll goon again about some non logical thing that doesn't even relate to the topic, nor movie .3 seconds later.  
Yes. This is your reasoning for hating John Egbert.  
He also smells really bad.

"Did you see that! Karkat look really it's great ju-"  
"I could possibly and probably see it if you'd close your fucking mouth you demented fuck handle"  
"Okay, that one doesn't even make sense!"

You sigh, letting your head thump against the hard couch in a deadbeat. He's hopeless. The strangely shaped shaft torch actually is. At first, you had thought 'hey, maybe i can give this kid some class, show him some ropes'. Yes, you had thought that. Emphasis on past tense. Because then he began to annoy you just by breathing. No, really, he breathes incredibly loud; like, through his mouth. It's probably the cause of his bucked teeth. Yeah, it is. It has to be, coming from a medical point of view from all you know that Rose has explained to you (human anatomy lessons are the best! oh, was that snark? sorry, rose.) You make a mental note to tell her that if the therapist thing never works out, a doctor or lawyer should be in order of success; or a mere wish of hers. The thing with Rose, is that you dislike her, but you really can't bring yourself to truly dislike her. It's complicated.

What the fuck are and were you talking about. Oh, right, the asswipe(s).

As mentioned before, you originally had invited the infuriating fuck over to show him some ropes to good taste of media. He, being an idiotic drone, took it as quote unquote "Bonding bro fist heterosexual cuddling time for movies and greasy popcorn and pizza!" which, as long as we're on the food subject, is disgusting. You hate junk food. Okay, that's a lie, but you hate most junk food of sorts. Vegetarian, go!  
This is stupid.

You watch John stand up and walk towards the movie player, insisting on choosing one of your movies for you. "Can you get more popcorn, please?" He asks over his shoulder, straining the 'ea' similar to Vriska. God, she's done such a number on him. Not only that, but given her number to him. You stand breathily, peering at him, watching as he moves with grace, and for once, he almost seems intelligent and wonderful; and then he turns around, the stupid fucking smile on his lips, and then you abscond, swiftly grabbing the bowl of butter and salt.  
He eats the kernels, too? Wow, yet another inevitable reason to hate him. Making your way to the kitchen, you begin to prepare for the fifth bowl of popcorn since 9pm. It's too quiet, far too quiet. You can hear the beating of your heart, rhythmic and silent. It smells like caramel and- junk food. And men's ax. Why would Men's Ax even be- right. John. You run a hand through your hair, shaking lightly. A sharp crash pierces your ears, and you make a run for it, dashing into the living room within 5 nanoseconds.  
And you are confronted with John trying to balance on the six foot movie theater with one foot, both hands occupied with both human and troll movies, biting his lip, hoping not to fall again. You take note of the broken vase nearby. You take note that he's giggling. You take note that the popcorn is burning. You take note that you will probably kill him in a few moments after taking his fucking grin and slapping it onto a platter of Go Fuck Yourself, serving it as a main appetizer for his ass. 

"I will end you if you don't put that," you motion towards one of your favorites, "movie in by the time I get back from grabbing the burnt popcorn, and yes, you're going to eat burnt popcorn, and you're going to bask in the fucking smell of it, as if it's your first fucking kill in troll ops ll, and then you're going to fucking eat it like a fucking whore, because that's what you very fucking are, and you are going to like it very, very much." You don't even look at him. You try not to, actually. Although, you allow yourself a glimpse.  
He's starring at you, like you were earlier to him, and you almost feel like he's not an idiot, again. Oh, but no, he is, in fact, an idiot, because he almost destroyed your precious movies, therefore, he will pay later. You take the burnt junk, ignoring the slight heat on your palms, because really, it's not that hot (although to john it probably is, they have such thin skin, pun included if you want it to be), and sit on the couch before you can say 'play', because, well, John's already done it. You must have really scared him, or something.

The perhapsity that he was scared of you is now thrown out the window. It's so far gone that Nic Cage is mooing to it, as if it was the moon. He is jumping over it, as Liv Tyler chases the spoon. It is so far gone that you don't understand why you're making Con Air references linking to 'the cow jumped over the moon' human rhyme that you learned from Dave 'ironically'. John is laughing. You do not understand how, or why, but you cannot focus and fuck don't do that no don't do that you're really asking for death aren't you okay never mind you stopped good boy now stay that way.

And then he began talking again. It was something about playing magic tricks, and how some of them work. That is incredibly endearing if you cared. But you don't. Because it's stupid.

"John, please, just- focus on this beauty of media."  
He snorts, rolling his blue, blue eyes. "But this is a chick flick, Karkat."

You address him with a dull sneer. "This is anything but. This shows romance at its best, where the protagonist actually is in pity with the antagonist, where their forbidden hearts can never leap nor reach, hear nor speak; they're caught in quadrants and lususes and painfully tortuous discussions and decisions, and in the end, it was for nothing. Tragedy and action and hope all gone into a single flush of pain and pity." You look towards him now, and his eyes are widened, astonished how passionate you are about this weird movie to him. "That, is a true movie. Also, if you payed attention, you might realize that this actually has a lot of life lessons and is pretty action packed."  
"Whatever." John looks down, embarrassment curling red roses on his cheeks. 

You scoff. This is indeed, stupid.


End file.
